fuzzybluemonkeys: (angry mutant squirrels)
If you didn't think the original original super extra depressing lyrics of Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas were quite depressing enough, I've gone ahead and fixed that for you:

Have yourself a merry little Christmas, it may be your last,
Next year we may all be living in the past
Have yourself a merry little Christmas, and believe the lie,
[That] next year we won't all be living just to die.

No good times like the olden days, happy golden days of yore,
Faithful friends who were dear to us, will be near to us no more.

But at least we all will be together*, if the Fates allow,
Until then we'll have to muddle through somehow.
So have yourself a merry little Christmas now.


*in a mass grave

And for some reason, in my head, the movie is a "real" movie and not a SyFy Channel Original, so I'm casting Samuel L. Jackson and Michelle Rodriguez. Dana Davis from Heroes will play a character called Watches because she wears 12 watches on each arm so that she always has all 24 hours of the day going on at once (it's a WarThatNeverEnds**-type dystopia, so mortality is sort of an issue-- and Watches is obsessed with time as a result of growing up in that environment). I'm also killing off Jensen Ackles's character (again.) The more things change the more they stay the same!

I don't have a "plot" per se, but I assure you that the fictional employees of my imaginary production company have an excellent fictional health care package.

**This is the War That Doesn't End,
Yes it goes on and on my friend,
Some people started fightin' it not knowing what it was,
And they'll continue fighting it forever just because
This is the War That Doesn't End...
fuzzybluemonkeys: (angry mutant squirrels)
And what do I do with it? I get Battle: Los Angeles and Creature From The Black Lagoon. To be fair, I also got a book (I know, right? A book at a library... who knew?) of Ursula K. Le Guin short stories because I had seen a reference to "The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas" and it sounded cool (like that Dr. Who ep where they're living on the tortured space whale). Anyway, the intro has a great bit which is explained by the rest of the intro, but is sorta extra funny out of context:
"Where do you get your ideas from, Ms. Le Guin?" From forgetting Dostoyevsky and reading road signs backwards, naturally. Where else?


So I watched the aliens try to colonize us movie on Thanksgiving Day, since it seemed appropriate. And! And! Michelle Rodriguez actually gets to be badass and spoiler )

And now for my SyFy Channel-less SyFy Saturday, I busted out Creature From The Black Lagoon and I gotta ask: Am I not supposed to be rooting for the Creature to kill them all? Cuz I was totally rooting for the Creature to kill them all. I mean, he's the title character, right? That makes him the protagonist. In other news: melodramatic music cues that were like actual dun-Dun-DUN!s-- seriously, the Creature's theme is like three notes of DOOM! Also: WTFRBOAS (What The Fuck Random Bat On A String)?
fuzzybluemonkeys: (angry mutant squirrels)
Because today, while washing the dishes, I conceived of The Lorax: Judgment Day where instead of being a rhyming children's story by Dr. Seuss, it's a horrible SyFy Channel Original Movie. So the Lorax has been keeping a list of everyone who ever chopped down a tree, and when the list reaches a certain length, he finally snaps and goes on a killing spree with an axe: "I am the Lorax, I speak for the trees! And if you don't listen, I'll chop you down at the knees!"

"Bar-ba-loot Bears!" *chop* "In their Bar-ba-loot Suits!" *chop* "That'll teach you to deprive them of Bar-ba-loot Fruits!" *chop*
fuzzybluemonkeys: (angry mutant squirrels)
You know that's totally gonna be a movie someday, even if it's a craptastic made-for-TV SyFy original à la Anacondas 3 & 4. But really, who doesn't want to see David Hasselhoff eaten by a giant snake zombies?
Anyway, 28 years ago today, the Nicole Virus was unleashed upon the Earth in order to come up with ideas like The Dam of Human Flesh (created by Killer Beavers who gnaw off people's legs like they're tree stumps).

You're welcome.
fuzzybluemonkeys: fuzzy blue monkey (Default)


and it occurs to me that if I'm going to be all crazypants, I might as well go all out:



Each sprinkle has been hand-selected for clarity and sprinkliciousness )
fuzzybluemonkeys: (angry mutant squirrels)
I got into the University of Iowa Center for the Book Certificate Program!
This is happy news.

And yet, I am well on my way to a Kermit the Frog level of flailing panic (See here for reference) because, well: moving to Iowa.

In other news, I am currently in the process of extracting the red sprinkles from the rainbow sprinkles with a pair of tweezers so that I can use them for the eyes of my Angry Mutant Squirrel sugar cookies because clearly, I am a crazy person.
fuzzybluemonkeys: (angry mutant squirrels)
Really? Really?

I mean, I'd watch the movie, but really?
fuzzybluemonkeys: (angry mutant squirrels)
Today I am wearing my shark socks (thank you, Oh Sister Mine) and my shirt with an octopus pretending to be the Loch Ness Monster from Threadless.

In other news, I think I may have finally dropped my mp3 player one too many times because it keeps on randomly shutting off (alternative explanation: haunted!).

In other, other news, I am sad to be missing Primeval, but even if I had cable, I would still be BBCAmerica-less, so better to just be missing Primeval rather than shelling out $60 a month and missing Primeval.

In other, other, other news, I've decided that I definitely need to get a new computer and that it will be a desktop. What I have not decided is if I am going to be independent and do my own research to figure out which computer to get, or if I am going to be lazy and let dad do it for me since he seems to enjoy it anyway.
fuzzybluemonkeys: (angry mutant squirrels)
My lovely rinky-dink cable company that has been charging me the same rate for the past 5 years (and yeah sometimes the internet went out, and they don't have support for that on weekends and Comedy Central spent weeks at a time being frozen, but they were cheap! and there was no contract!) is no longer providing cable for my apartment building.
This has led to large amounts of aggravation in that while the wiring for FioS is available (and the leasing office peeps claim you can get FioS), I cannot actually get FioS because of some permit whatchamawhoosit that Verizon does not have. So the website wouldn't let me order FioS but it would let me order DirectTV which it turns out I can't get either. Leaving me with the option of Cablevision. And I wouldn't be so averse to that were it not for the fact that they do not offer BBCAmerica, which means no Doctor Who (or Primeval, or Being Human, or Torchwood, or Law & Order: UK, or Merlin, or future shows that I don't even know about yet-- I was actually expecting Sherlock to air on BBCA, but score one for PBS).
So (a needle pulling thread) since the cost of their cable TV is the same as the cost of both TV and internet with the old company, and they don't seem to offer a "Double Play" only the stupid "Triple Play" (which is why I went with Verizon because I don't want or need a gorram landline), I started thinking about how I'd do without cable.
I mean, supposing I can get reception with one of the digital converter thingies, that takes care of the non-cable networks. And then lots of shows are available online (I will, of course, still be getting internets-- I'm crazy, but I'm not that crazy), and I can live without watching TeenNick silliness, and Comedy Central was frozen half the time anyway, so I couldn't watch The Daily Show/Colbert Report anyway. Plus, I could use the money I save not paying for cable TV to buy Doctor Who on DVD, and I have plenty of DVDs that I never watch and so could watch (Farscape rewatch?)-- particularly on SyFy Saturdays when I'm missing my crappy movies. But I could watch good movies! Or decent ones! I have a whole bunch of movies on DVDs that I got from SwapTree...

I might as well see how I do for a few months, right? And then I can reassess my dire need for giant reptile hybrids and mutant rodents and lobsters from outer space.

In Theory

Sep. 29th, 2010 07:35 pm
fuzzybluemonkeys: (angry mutant squirrels)
So, there is a little part of me that wants to go to the Rally to Restore Sanity/Keep Fear Alive. This part of me also wants to go to Cons. That is, until the rest of me reminds it that we don't like people and in fact, crowds of same make us uncomfortable, anxious, and panicky.
But the part of me that wants to go points out that we can still have fun speculating about what it would be like to go. I mean, which one to support? In general, I prefer Jon Stewart to Stephen Colbert, and the whole "Take it down a notch for America" thing is just so.. Word.
But then for the Keeping Fear Alive bit I could tie in my obsession with crappy SyFy Channel Originals and make a sign with like,
FEAR THE SHARKTOPUS!
on one side and then the other side could be all,
THE ANGRY MUTANT SQUIRRELS ARE COMING FOR YOU!
[cue the ominous music and/or thunderclap]
fuzzybluemonkeys: Evil Hand (zombies)
Actual subject line for an actual email to the local FreeCycle group:
"OFFER: 30 jars baby meat in Hamilton Square"
*falls down laughing*
The text of the message does not improve things by clarifying that they mean (presumably) baby food of the jarred meat variety, oh no:
"30 jars of baby meat."
That? Is a lot of dead babies. Then again, those jars are pretty small... and I should really stop now before I start speculating how many jars of baby meat you could get per baby.


In other "nicole is disturbing" news, I have decided to adopt a pet Sharktopus and name him Stanley.
fuzzybluemonkeys: (angry mutant squirrels)
Cuz I'm doing it anyway. The theme at [community profile] spn_bitesized is B-Movies, so I've been posting a lot of prompts (because I'm me). And then I wrote this in response to "Winchesters vs. Mad Cows":

moo. )
fuzzybluemonkeys: (angry mutant squirrels)
and I'm already like, Best. SyFy Original. Evar. (Not that I've got high standards or anything)

And the title alone is just epic: Stonehenge Apocalypse. It's just so disastrously cheesy!

And then there's the genre actors:
Methos! Peter Wingfield elevates the quality of everything he's in just by breathing, so you know he's gonna be awesome.

Cas! Misha Collins strikes me as having the proper sense of humour to handle the ÜberCheese that is the SyFy Channel Original Movie. And let's face it, he's got some experience with this sort of ridiculousness via Supernatural.

Weir(2.0)! Okay, so I can't say I ever felt strong emotions about the Weir character (either version), but hell, just having a solid actor on board can improve quality by leaps and bounds.

Pretty Doctor Guy From CSI:NY! Okay, now I'm really pushing it, but a)eye candy and b)solid actor (though he's a bit of a wild card in that I don't know if he can handle the Power Of Cheese-- plus he's black, so he's totally gonna die).

But seriously, having people who can act (and embrace the Cheese) can make or break a SyFy Original.
fuzzybluemonkeys: What big eyes you have, the kind of eyes that drive wolves mad (42)

  • My pupils are (now? I don't know if this is a recent development or what) naturally dilated such that I don't need those horrifying eyedrops that take eight tries for them to get in because I always blink because my eyes don't want things in them that are not my eyes.
  • Dude who is about the same prettiness quotient as I am will flirt with me in order to get his commission or whateverthehell on eyeglasses and their protection plan thingies. I eschewed the protection plan because the only time I ever broke a pair of glasses was when I gave them to mom to hold for me (I don't even remember what for, but we were at Rice's), and she proceeded to drop and then step on them. On gravel. Solution? Don't ask mom to hold my glasses. He did talk me into getting prescription sunglasses which I've never had before, so I've basically just gotten used to not wearing sunglasses, so we'll see how that goes. But both frames have pretty blue on them.
  • I didn't learn this one so much as I was reminded, but wow, do I hate malls. With the people and the noise, and it seems open because the ceiling are so high, and yet it somehow manages to be oppressive.
  • Debbie Gibson is a better actress than Tiffany, as eighties pop stars go. But really everybody in Mega Pirahna was just so stiff and generally lacking in oomph. I think the difference is that the folks in Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus, while not good actors, per se, were in on the joke, but Tiffany & Co. not so much (the joke being that you're in a movie called Mega Pirahna and it is baaaaaad).
  • The force is not with my Phantom Menace poster because it fell down for the bazillionth time (technically early this morning, but it feels like yesterday), and I had to get up from my comfy bed and relocate it because when it falls it covers Bootsie's water and food bowls.
fuzzybluemonkeys: (angry mutant squirrels)
A is for Anaconda, that's one big-ass snake
B is for Bigfoot, he'll eat you like cake
C is for Crocodile, lying in wait
D is for Dinoshark, and you're the bait
E is for Elements, tornadoes and wind
F is for Fodder, how the herd is thinned
G is for Guts, strewn all over the floor
H is for Heart, yours isn't beating anymore
I is for Ice Spiders, bigger than a box for bread
J is for Just kidding! the monster's not really dead
K is for Kraken, who's not very nice
L is for Lightning, it'll strike more than twice
M is for Meteors as they rain down from space
N is for No one ever escaping this place
O is for "Original" and also "Oh, please."
P is for Predators churning the seas
Q is for Quake, the Earth fit to burst
R is for Racist, darker skinned folks die first
S is for Sand Serpents, tunneling underground
T is for Tyrannosaurus, Lost World now found
U is for Ugly, a monstrous beast
V is for Vampire, and you're the feast
W is for Wyvern, it finds you quite yummy
X is for X-ray, your bones in its tummy
Y is for Yelling, but that won't stop the end
Z is for Zombies, a girl's best friend.
fuzzybluemonkeys: fuzzy blue monkey (gate)
[personal profile] gigglingkat and I had the following prompt conversation:
Kat: "Want a prompt to eat your brain too?"
Me: "Sure. Though to be honest, I might warp the prompt to go with an idea I've already had."
Kat: "oooo... OK then - your prompt is to make a TV Show out of the idea you have. GO!"

And away we go... )
fuzzybluemonkeys: fuzzy blue monkey (dork)
I've got a slightly less Mutant-Creature SciFiSyFy Original in mind:

You can have your OWBCWSPAABHD, alright and everyone in the movie will moon over him, but the real main character who will actually save the day/fulfill the big honkin' destiny (or subvert it somehow because destiny is lame) will be a brown girl (maybe Monica from Heroes?) with no special powers. And she shall have parents, by god, and they shall love her- because if they're not absent, they're usually horrible and mean and abusive, and you know what? You don't need to be Tragedy McTragic Backstory to save the world, dammit.
fuzzybluemonkeys: fuzzy blue monkey (highlander)
*waits for those of you so inclined to run screaming for the hills*

There was an ad for one of these in a coupon circular that PUs and I were making fun of. I immediately dubbed it the zombie plant and decided that in addition to being unkillable, it would grow and grow and take over the house and kill all the occupants.

So you can add "Killer Zombie Plants" to the list that already includes:
-Angry Mutant Squirrels
-Giant Mutant Crabs
-Flesh-Eating Crickets
and -The Killer Robot Who Drives An Ice Cream Truck
fuzzybluemonkeys: fuzzy blue monkey (travel)
Well, technically, I've co-opted the crickets except now they're flesh-eating* instead of having their chirping drive people to homicide (we'll save that for the ice cream trucks).

*What?**
**It's not like these things strive for realism.

Anyway, the commercial goes a little something like this:
-clip of cricket swarm devouring someone
-clip of Rachel Luttrell uttering her soon to be immortal line, "Flesh-eating crickets? You've got to be kidding me."
-black screen with only the title, "CHIRP" in green accompanied by 'crickets chirping' sound effect.
fuzzybluemonkeys: fuzzy blue monkey (breakfast)
Okay, so he wasn't a mutant. Or particularly angry-seeming (no foaming at the mouth, either). And I was the one eating lunch, but he desperately wanted some of said lunch because, damn. I mean, campus squirrels are less easily frightened than suburb squirrels, and I've had them get fairly close before, but usually they responded to being shooed away by, you know, shooing. Away.
This squirrel comes right up to me, and jacket and drink waving get it to back off a few steps, and then it comes right back. Less than a foot away is too close, Mr. Squirrel-man.

And so, I cowered in fear from the Angry Mutant Squirrel and ran away to eat somewhere else.
Where are Bruce Campbell and Sean Patrick Flanery when you need them?
fuzzybluemonkeys: fuzzy blue monkey (who)
And what birthday would be complete without Angry Mutant Squirrels?

Because the actors need concept drawings so they know what they're reacting to )
fuzzybluemonkeys: fuzzy blue monkey (who)
Okay, so the title could use some work, but here's my idea for a cheesetastic SciFi Saturday Original:
Bruce Campbell (who else?) stars as a bitter factory worker who for years has turned a blind eye to the improper chemical disposal the company he works for engages in. Finally, fed up with his job, he decides to squeal to the EPA (the fictional EPA who actually gives a crap). Bruce is about to get fired for his whistle-blowing ways when the Angry Mutant Squirrels (caused by the chemical dumping, obviously) attack!
Meanwhile, the EPA has sent a jaded, but highly-principled agent (played by Sean Patrick Flanery) to investigate. When he gets to the factory, the Angry Mutant Squirrels have overrun the place, and just when it seems like he is doomed to be eaten alive by Angry Mutant Squirrels, Bruce Campbell appears to save him (utilizing various factory implements and tools).
Together, they will face the horde of Angry Mutant Squirrels, and they will be awesome. And also gay. Hey, it's my movie-- besides, I can't stray too far from the formula here. There's usually either the established couple whose relationship is put to the test, or the new couple that forms based on shared near-death experiences. What better place for romance than amidst the onslaught of Angry Mutant Squirrels?

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