that my thought processes at work are fairly often of the "Poor baby, what did they do to you?" variety.

My maternal instincts (such as they are) are only activated by cats and books, is what I'm saying.

and I found this:

"For him that stealeth a Book from this Library, let it change into a serpent in his hand and rend him. Let him be struck with Palsy, and all his Members blasted. Let him languish in Pain crying aloud for Mercy and let there be no sur-cease to his Agony till he sink in Dissolution. Let Bookworms gnaw his Entrails in token of the Worm that dieth not, and when at last he goeth to his final Punishment, let the flames of Hell consume him for ever and aye."
— Curse Against Book Stealers
Monastery of San Pedro, Barcelona

You might as well just steal the whole gorram thing and make my life easier.