Normally I'm against this sort of thing but I thought it seemed interesting

If I were a month I would be: December (cold, but full of music)
If I were a day of the week I would be: Wednesday (approaching the weekend, but still working)
If I were a time of day I would be: 8pm (TV time!)
If I were a planet I would be: Bblorffaat, the 12th planet orbiting the 16th oldest star in the universe
If I were a sea animal I would be: a puffer fish (keep that fruitcake away from me)
If I were a direction I would be: up
If I were a piece of furniture I would be: a closet full of fairies and marshmallow fluff
If I were a historical figure I would be: obscure, because those sexist bastards wouldn't want to acknowledge a woman of my import
If I were a liquid I would be: 100% apple juice, not from concentrate
If I were a tree, I would be: cruelly chopped down by evil corporations
If I were a flower/plant, I would be: a cactus
If I were a kind of weather, I would be: a thunderstorm
If I were a musical instrument, I would be: a flute
If I were an animal, I would be: a fuzzy blue monkey (duh)
If I were a color, I would be: blue
If I were a fruit, I would be: wild maine blueberry
If I were a sound, I would be: music
If I were an element, I would be: kryptonite (watch out supes)
If I were a car, I would be: a solar powered, totally good for the environment, transportation device (preferably with hovering capabilities)
If I were a song, I would be: as is
If I were a movie, I would be directed by: Terry Gilliam or Adrian Paul
If I were a book, I would be written by: S. Morgenstern with help from William Goldman
If I were a food, I would be: peanut butter (duh again)
If I were a place, I would be: rocks by the ocean on Mount Desert Island
If I were a material, I would be: recycled paper
If I were a taste, I would be: salty (it's genetic)
If I were a scent, I would be: stinky, no, um... unscented?
If I were a word, I would be: apocalypse
If I were an object, I would be: a book
If I were a body part I would be: an elbow
If I were a facial expression I would be: on Peter Wingfield's face?
If I were a cartoon character I would be: Babs Bunny (extra duh)
If I were a shape I would be a: didecahedron
If I were a number I would be: 8 (upright infinity)

and I'm adding my own:
If I were an ice cream flavor, I'd be: Ben & Jerry's Mint Chocolate Cookie
If I were an elephant, I'd be: an elephant
and If I were you, I'd be: a clone