fuzzybluemonkeys: Rufus/Bucket of Sunshine (oh the humanity)
From dictionary.com:

transfix, verb
1. to make or hold motionless with amazement, awe, terror, etc.
2. to pierce through with or as if a pointed weapon; impale.
3. to hold or fasten with or on somthing that pierces.

Now, I shall provide you with the entirety of the context (an email from the erstwhile Boring Manager Rob), and you can tell me what the bloody fuck it's supposed to mean.

Subject: Good Luck and All That
Nicole,

I believe I heard (before I retired) that you said you were going to be leaving this month. I wish you well in this new phase/adventure in your life. It takes a lot of guts to leave something routine and known, if not permanent (your job), to strike out in a new direction to advance your knowledge and career aspirations. You have good hand skills and may be able to develop them at Iowa. I hope that you can do so and that you will acquire new colleagues and make good contacts. And that this will rocket your career in the direction you hope to achieve. Good luck and all that. Be transfixed.

Robert


So, overall, it's a nice sentiment, but as with all things Roberty, he has to go and ruin it with the Robertisms of Douchery. Like, why stop at a "Good luck" when you can add an off-putting "and all that" to make it sound insincere? Not once, mind you, but twice! Laryssa suggested "Fuck You and All That" as a response (though I'm not actually planning on responding at all).
And then we end with this "Be transfixed" nonsense. So, basically, I should impale myself on something so that I can properly gape in horror at BMR's stupidity.
I should have just deleted it unread, but nooooo. Gorram curiosity.
fuzzybluemonkeys: Rufus/Bucket of Sunshine (oh the humanity)
nor am I even vaguely obligated to make you all look less assholish than you actually are.
But I did it anyway by making a card for Jody for everyone to sign.

You do not get cookies for that.

After signing the card, both Man and BMR asked me what else I was doing for Jody's going-awayness (Mick did not ask because Mick is not here for Jody's final week due to an "out of state emergency"*, so he won't even be signing the card). Now, I am doing other things for Jody's last day. I'm making her peanut butter cookies (that I will not be giving to her until the end of the day because otherwise she would be the nice person that she is and share them with the jerkface brigade). I also made a card that is just from me (it was originally going to be the group card, but then I decided it was too pretty to have Douchebag Duo germs on it) with a nice note about how awesome she has been. But seriously, what else am I going to do? The only reason you did the minimum of what you could possibly do is because I provided you with the writing implement and thing to write on, and you want to know what else I'm gonna do? GAH! What I'm gonna do is smack you upside the head, that's what I'm gonna do.


*Based on personal experience working with this man for almost 5 years now, every instinct I own is screaming that this is a load of crap.
fuzzybluemonkeys: I just read the most wonderful story about a beanstalk and an ogre and (oh really)
In order to get 100% efficiency doodles we have to do 6 hours worth of work a day (as determined by the time standards each treatment/widget has been assigned). A Temp Bind is worth 30 minutes. Therefore in order to get 100% efficiency doodles, I'd have to do 12 Temp Binds a day.
This morning I started and finished 12 Temp Binds (+1) by 11:10am. I got in at 9am, and we can take out at least 10 minutes for going up to Circulation to swap trucks, so that means I did 6.5 hours worth of work in 2 hours. I am an efficiency machine!
So, since I am over 100% efficiency for today, that means I can go home now, right? RIGHT?
fuzzybluemonkeys: fuzzy blue monkey (blue)
I could not make this shit up if I tried. )
I didn't actually check to see what the price was because I was afraid of injuring myself.
fuzzybluemonkeys: fuzzy blue monkey (snark)
Boring Manager Rob is...

A) High on drugs
B) Psycho crazypants
C) Demented
D) A Moron
E) All Of The Above

What has he done now? You ask. Well, I'll tell you. Today was our weekly staff meeting which usually consists of BMR having nothing to talk about and the rest of us having to sit through it without committing violence.
This week, one of his non-topics was the H1N1 vaccines that the University is offering.
Me: Except in order to get one you need to have a baby or a pre-existing medical condition.
BMR: No, no, that was last time. This time it's for everybody.
My thought at this point: Whatever, maybe I read it wrong.
Ted: Nicole's right, the email did have the same restrictions as last time.
BMR: No, no. You should read your email more carefully. Blah blah blah if you read your email more carefully you wouldn't miss important information like this.

So, at this point, he's basically chastising us and making a big deal out of us misunderstanding the email due to not taking the time to read it. Ted, smarty that he is, asks BMR to forward the email (he deleted it after learning it did not apply to him, as did I).
After the meeting, we get the forwarded email. It says exactly what we thought it said. At this point, he has gone out of his way to be smug and send us the proof that he is wrong:

The actual email. I dare you to find the bit where it says the H1N1 flu vaccine is no longer restricted. )

I read the email. I re-read the email. Ted has read the email and asks me if it says what we thought it said. It does. We boggle. Ted actually goes into BMR's office and points out to him that the vaccination is not for everybody. BMR insists that they changed some wording from this email to the last one for the previous H1N1 clinic such that now it is no longer restricted. We boggle some more. I say "Fine, let him go down there and wait in line like a chump. Maybe he'll believe it when they tell him."
We mock him mercilessly while he is out at lunch and presumably going to get his H1N1 flu shot that he is not actually eligible for.
Then, this afternoon we get this pitiful little gem:

"Folks,

I went to Frist to see about getting a flu shot. I am too healthy and
do not fit the profile of those who are eligible. Now we know from sure.

Robert"

And so I must laugh because the alternative is sobbing hysterically about this man actually being in charge of me.

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