Test 1, 2, 3.

It feels like it should be... louder somehow? With giant neon flashing lights that say "THE CANCER". Instead it's a small, quietly healing bruise where the biopsy needle went into my neck.

You know, those douchebags who rhapsodize about how perfectly a banana fits in their hand? And be like, "Explain to me how the female reproductive organs were intelligently designed. Because unless your Intelligent Designer is a sadist, that shit makes no sense."

Hell, I can't figure out how it makes evolutionary sense either. Curl-up-in-a-ball-to-die pain is not really conducive to running away from predators.

And the uterine cramping is made extra annoying to me by the fact that at least with my intestines, I can (and did) poop my guts out and feel a little better for it. But the uterus owies do not have any sort of abatement method (other than the aforementioned curling up in a ball to die). At least I've got the 90-day birth control, so that this only happens once every three months instead of once a month, but still. OW.

Plans for today:
-stay in pajamas
-wallow in self-pity
-cuddle the Bootsie lots

That was a whole lotta worrying for a whole lotta nothing.

My morning as it was supposed to be:
-Go to the hospital at 9am for registration
-Get stabbity needles in the neck around 10am
-Head into work prepared to make jokes about vampires and/or alien abduction

My morning as it was:
-Go to the hospital at 9am for registration
-Come to find out the place I've been going to for Thyroid UltraSounds is crappy and exaggeration-prone, so Hospital Doc isn't even sure there are nodules to biopsy (UltraSound @ hospital confirms that there are not-- just some heterogeneous gobbledy gook, that while not "normal" per se, is really nothing to worry about, and you know, NOT POTENTIALLY CANCEROUS)
-Meanwhile, Hospital Doc turns out to be SciFi Fan Doc: I had written "DON'T PANIC" on my wrist (as you do), and he saw it and got the Hitchhiker's Guide reference and then was recommending books to me to the point of printing out their Wikipedia entries and calling his wife to get a title, and he was all charming and fun and like, the anti-House, so that was a good distraction.
-After everything has been cleared up in a needle-free fashion, it's already after 11am (I was expecting to be at work by then), so I was all screw work and called BMR and took the day off and came home to the Boots.

Now for lunch followed by a big ol' hunk of Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Cake.

...and yet I have no idea where the local hospitals are. Because that means I haven't had to go to the hospital.

Of course, now I do, and honestly, I'm a bit freaked out about it, what with the stabby needles in my neck and having two thryroid nodules (OF DOOM!) that are large enough to be biopsied. Well, the one is borderline-- exactly 1cm, which is the minimum size or whatever, so it might not get Offical Authorization from the HMO, but the other is 1.2cm, so that definitely counts.
And it's probably nothing, just benign nodules (OF NOT SO MUCH DOOM!), but it's like when I was having moles removed for snagging on my bra non-medically necessary reasons and those got biopsied, and it becomes all eek!
Like, seriously, I was so stressed out about the mere idea of it that I was having ridiculous psychosomatic neck/throat soreness the whole drive from the doctor's office to work, and I don't even have an appointment yet.