Test 1, 2, 3.

Thrilling Intestinal Fun!

Combined with (and exacerbated by): Thrilling Uterine Fun!

What could possibly be more fun?

My intestines hurt.
So what else is new?
Pain is how they roll (or roil as the case may be).
I can even almost ignore the pain by virtue of it always being there.
But sometimes.
It bothers me.
Like, I just have this screaming rage that builds up inside of me.
Because I am in pain.
And I am always in pain.
And I will always be in pain.
And I cannot remember ever not being in pain.
(If there did once exist pain-free abdominal days of my youth, they are long gone.)
Not only can I not remember such mystical joys as my intestines functioning normally,
(Though I have vague memories of things getting worse in middle school which means they must have once been better, right? Right?)
But I cannot conceive of what it would be like if my intestines didn't hurt.
The notion is too alien.
I cannot imagine what it would entail.
(There is the obvious: a cessation of intestinal pain emanating from my abdomen, but I no longer know what that is like.)
I relate to my abdomen based on how much pain it is causing me at any given moment.
I can contemplate a lessening of pain.
I have experienced varying degrees of pain and less is always best.
But the complete absence of pain is unknowable to me.
And most of the time I am okay.
I can deal with it.
I have always dealt with it.
I will always deal with it.
But sometimes.
It just fucking bothers me.

Someone needs to explain to my intestines that if they succeed in their evil plot to kill me, they will die too.

Or maybe they won't, and they need me to die so that they can escape and take over the world or something.

So I spent, well, we'll say 2.25 days in Iowa City/Coralville because Tuesday and Friday were pretty much Travel Extravaganza days (Drive to Princeton! Take the Dinky! Take the Train! Take the AirTrain Monorail Thingy! Take a Plane! Take Another Plane! Drive Rental Car! And then I got to do all that in reverse! *collapses*). Oddly enough, though I didn't feel well while traveling and had to use the bathroom at various airports, I didn't get the super epic owies until Saturday when I was home, so who knows what's up with that.
So I looked at apartments and found a place I liked (so of course it's all restrictive to get into, but we'll see). I went to the Coralville Public Library a whole lot and used their 30 minutes at a time free internet access to frantically google things and check my email and so forth. And then I got to get a tour at the Center for the Book which is in an old teaching school so the one entrance says "High School" and there are lockers in the halls and stuff. So that was cool, but the Center is very limited physical space-wise, so I'll have to get used to that. Then I met with my adviser, who might not continue to be my adviser because he's more on the history side of things and is, as much as I hate to use a BMR coined phrase, not a practitioner. And while part of my purpose is to learn historical things, I think I'd relate better to someone who does the physical hands-on stuff, since that is my passion or whathaveyou. He did take me to see the University Library's Conservation Lab, which was awesome, cuz I'm a conservation/preservation nerd.
Meanwhile, I was missing my Bootsie something fierce, and he was missing me because he wouldn't even eat his wet food til I came back (though it looked like he munched some dry, so he wasn't starving or anything). So when I finally got home Friday night, we had our reunion and have been snuggling lots to make up for lost time.

...let's just crank the dueling banjos of intestinal and uterine pain all the way up to 11.

And um, which side is the appendix supposed to be on, again?It's probably just an ovary, but I have this (not entirely) irrational fear that if I were to get appendicitis, I wouldn't notice because abdominal pain is how I roll.

Dear Intestines,

Would it really kill you to function properly every once in a while? Really?

Because we would think, evolutionarily speaking, that it'd be easier for everyone involved if you actually worked the way you were supposed to.

Just a thought,
        The rest of nicole's body.

Dude, you know how I usually indicate to you that we need drinking or eating to take place by the rather obvious mechanisms of thirst and hunger? And how, similarly, the absence of these things means we could hold off a bit? Yeah well, you could really--glug glug glurgle *sputter* *cough*--you could really stop with the drinking now! Dude, we're done! I've had enough! Some actual food would be nice right about now, but the liquid refreshment can stop. After a certain point it's really not so much--glug gurgle buh *spit*--it's really not so much refreshing anymore, you know?
See? See that signal I'm sending you? That burp? And the next one? And the on after that? Those all mean that not only have we had enough, we've had too much! That puke, naseous feeling that accompanies the burps? Also a good indication-Aw, no man, come on! Not the--blub glub blub glub glub--Dude. I am drowning here. I can only tread gatorade for so long. Can't you, can't you just stop now? Let the flood waters recede a bit before--Aw, bloody hell...

I hate you.

Fuck off.

Thanks for nothing,
           nicole