Dear Dude- or perhaps there are multiple dudes- okay,

Dear Anyone Who Thinks It's a Good Plan To Sit Outside an Apartment Building (or Any Residence) and Intermittently Honk Your Horn for Half a Gorram Hour,

Is it not obvious that your strategy is Not Working?
Would it not be more time effective and oh, I don't know, Less Obnoxious to get off your lazy ass and go ring the doorbell of the person you are so impatiently waiting for?

Just a thought,
me.

Sweet Plastic Baby Jesus!

As a soldier in the War on Christmas, I've decided to lob an IIE (that's Improvised Incendiary Entry) at plastic baby Jesuses everywhere.

Ah, the light-up plastic Nativity: Dude, if you want me to take your religion seriously, tacky-ass lawn displays are not the way to do it.

I mean, this is the son of God, right? This is the Virgin Mary! This is... well, sorry Joe, but somebody had to be the cuckolded patsy.
But these people are, like, major players in your personal belief structure, and here you are chucking them up in plastic effigy on your front lawn.

You know what that says to me? It says that you are so insecure in your beliefs that you feel the need to put a big honkin' sign out to let everyone know that you're for real. Dude, if you believe in Jesus, then good for you, but shoving it in people's faces is disrespectful of both Jesus and the people whose faces you're shoving things into.

Prominently displaying the Nativity to your neighbors does not make you a better Christian, the same way lighting a big ol' chalice does not make me a better Unitarian Universalist.
They're just symbols, and they are so very, very fake. You wanna prove to me that you believe in Jesus? How about following some of his teachings? My understanding is that Jesus was all about the humility, not to mention forgiveness and love and understanding for all.

The louder people yell about how faithful they are, the more fragile their faith seems to me.

So please, for the sake of sweet light-up plastic baby Jesus, skip the tacky proclamations of how Christly your Christmas is.