Zombies Are A Girl's Best Friend

[fuzzybluemonkeys]

The diamond may be my birth stone, but I'm still not inclined to give a royal drenn about them (other than the laser aspect because: lasers!)(not to mention the depressing "people died for those" aspect). Zombies, on the other (potentially evil) hand, are awesome.
So, yeah, I wasn't overly familiar with the song when my sister gives me the phrase "Zombies Are A Girl's Best Friend" courtesy of Skip cutting out something from a magazine or something. And the only line (melodically) that I really knew was that one, so I immediately started singing it that way. Then I had to learn the rest of the song. And fix the rest of the lyrics. But I am finally finished.

Zombies!

Crass Materialism!

There are many kinds of dead. Some delight in drinking blood. But I prefer a man who trips And drips all sorts of crud. A bite on the neck May be quite interdental, But zombies are a girl's best friend. A chainsaw for a hand Can be quite instrumental When a missing head Will save you from the Evil Dead. Corpses grow cold As they grow old, And we all decompose in the end. But shuffling and stumbling, The best ones are crumbling. Zombies are a girl's best friend. Raimi's! Braaaains! Ving Rhames! Bruce Campbell! Talk to me George Romero. Tell me all about it! There may come a time When a full moon is shining, But zombies are a girl's best friend. There may come a time When you find yourself pining For a werewolf pet, But you'll be likely to regret. He's got pull When moons are full, But all phases must come to an end. And hey, if you're rotting There's no time for plotting. Zombies are a girl's best friend. I've heard of affairs That are strictly demonic, But zombies are a girl's best friend. There may be a cure In a potion or tonic Or light of sun But if it's fleeting where's the fun? Time rolls on, And life is gone, And rigor mortis won't let you bend. But stiff back Or stiff knees, So long as he's dead, please. Zombies! Zombies! I don't mean diamonds! But zombies are a girl's best friend.

The French are glad to die for love. They delight in fighting duels. But I prefer a man who lives And gives expensive jewels. A kiss on the hand May be quite continental, But diamonds are a girl's best friend. A kiss may be grand But it won't pay the rental On your humble flat Or help you at the automat. Men grow cold As girls grow old, And we all lose our charms in the end. But square-cut or pear-shaped, These rocks don't loose their shape. Diamonds are a girl's best friend. Tiffany's! Cartier! Black Starr! Frost Gorham! Talk to me Harry Winston. Tell me all about it! There may come a time When a lass needs a lawyer, But diamonds are a girl's best friend. There may come a time When a hard-boiled employer Thinks you're awful nice, But get that ice or else no dice. He's your guy When stocks are high, But beware when they start to descend. It's then that those louses Go back to their spouses. Diamonds are a girl's best friend. I've heard of affairs That are strictly platonic, But diamonds are a girl's best friend. And I think affairs That you must keep liaisonic Are better bets If little pets get big baguettes. Time rolls on, And youth is gone, And you can't straighten up when you bend. But stiff back Or stiff knees, You stand straight at Tiffany's. Diamonds! Diamonds! I don't mean rhinestones! But diamonds are a girl's best friend.

Marilyn Monroe singing about crass materialism: Words by Jule Styne and music by Leo Robin
Me singing about zombies: Words by me (with help from Shal) and music by Leo Robin except I did it a capella cuz I don't have Archie tech. (And I skipped the talky part cuz it sounds really stupid when I do it.)