Most of the time I am okay.

[fuzzybluemonkeys]

My intestines hurt.
So what else is new?
Pain is how they roll (or roil as the case may be).
I can even almost ignore the pain by virtue of it always being there.
But sometimes.
It bothers me.
Like, I just have this screaming rage that builds up inside of me.
Because I am in pain.
And I am always in pain.
And I will always be in pain.
And I cannot remember ever not being in pain.
(If there did once exist pain-free abdominal days of my youth, they are long gone.)
Not only can I not remember such mystical joys as my intestines functioning normally,
(Though I have vague memories of things getting worse in middle school which means they must have once been better, right? Right?)
But I cannot conceive of what it would be like if my intestines didn't hurt.
The notion is too alien.
I cannot imagine what it would entail.
(There is the obvious: a cessation of intestinal pain emanating from my abdomen, but I no longer know what that is like.)
I relate to my abdomen based on how much pain it is causing me at any given moment.
I can contemplate a lessening of pain.
I have experienced varying degrees of pain and less is always best.
But the complete absence of pain is unknowable to me.
And most of the time I am okay.
I can deal with it.
I have always dealt with it.
I will always deal with it.
But sometimes.
It just fucking bothers me.