I think that overall, you've clearly laid out reasons that you want to enter this program and that it makes sense for you to do so. Your intro does the requisite "here's how I came to love this field" effectively. I'd like to see more of a transition, though, between the "I was fascinated to learn..." and the "While employed..." Maybe briefly but explicitly tell us that your realizations led you to seek employment in the field.
When you're listing experiences, you can take the list beyond the resume by saying why each experience was valuable. If that becomes a space issue, you can probably cut down on the logistical stuff - how you got the positions, how long you were in them - and just say "my experience at _____ gave me the opportunity to ___," and variations thereof. You can work techniques you know how to do into that, and if a list of said techniques isn't on your resume (either as a separate list or integrated into your experiences), you might want to add it.
You can totally call it a career.
What you currently have as the second-to-last and third-to-last paragraph is a little choppy, esp. the second-to-last.
I don't see any glaring SHE HASN'T DONE ACADEMIC WRITING IN 5 YEARS signs. Seriously, being able to form a sentence puts you ahead of a lot of people.
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branchandroot
Thoughts!
Date: 2010-06-21 01:11 am (UTC)When you're listing experiences, you can take the list beyond the resume by saying why each experience was valuable. If that becomes a space issue, you can probably cut down on the logistical stuff - how you got the positions, how long you were in them - and just say "my experience at _____ gave me the opportunity to ___," and variations thereof. You can work techniques you know how to do into that, and if a list of said techniques isn't on your resume (either as a separate list or integrated into your experiences), you might want to add it.
You can totally call it a career.
What you currently have as the second-to-last and third-to-last paragraph is a little choppy, esp. the second-to-last.
I don't see any glaring SHE HASN'T DONE ACADEMIC WRITING IN 5 YEARS signs. Seriously, being able to form a sentence puts you ahead of a lot of people.
Hope this is helpful!