Test 1, 2, 3.

I feel like I need a bumper sticker that says, "Dude, If you rear-end me, you have to pay for it." Except I'd have to put it on the roof of my tiny little Echo car in order for you to see it.

Dear People Behind Me Who Think I'm Going Too Slow,
I know it's strange, but I have this wacky desire to not die. So, when I feel like my car is about to fly off the road, I'm going to take my foot off the gas and possibly put it on the brake.

Dear Guy With The Bowhunting Sticker Thing,
While I agree bowhunting is an important skill, having an image of a bowhunting guy shooting a deer is not nearly as cool as the notion of using bowhunting to kill the things that go bump in the night (Plus I somehow doubt you're as hot as Dean is).

I stop at the gas station, and the gas station attendant informs me that the rear driver side tire is flat and so it is, and he helps me with the funky 25 cent air thing, and it seems okay. I can't hear any hissing when I hold my head right next to the tire, but I mean, is there any way to get a flat tire without there being a hole in the tire somewhere? Which means that tomorrow morning when I need to go to work it'll be flat again?
And then I'll have to take the day off to take care of it, which wouldn't be bad in and of itself, like, if it were just a day off. But it's a day off to take care of the fucking tire on my stupid car that I just got back from the frelling body shop. And the rear driver side tire is as far away from the curb-crash point as you can get on my gorram car, so it can't possibly be related to that, can it?

YARG.

I hit a curb with my car so hard it bent the wheel. I did this because I am a moron. I did this because I needed to go to a supermarket after work to get some yogurt for breakfast tomorrow morning and possibly some milk. I did this because I decided to stop at the ShopRite on Route 1 that I pass on my way home rather than the one that's closer to my apartment but more out of my way.
So, I am attempting to do this when, annoyingly, I cannot get over to the rightmost lane to turn into the shopping center. So, I miss said shopping center. My thoughts are as follows: 'Crap, I'll have to go to the ShopRite in Hamilton', 'Hey, if I get around this car I can turn into this restaurant up here, and walk to ShopRite or maybe the parking lots connect', 'Shit, I'm going too fast', 'Shit, it says DO NOT ENTER', 'Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit'.
So, I hit the curb. So, I go up on top of it. Am I alive? Check. Is my car ok? Seems to be. Am I really gonna be that lucky after being such a complete and utter moron right now? Probably not.
Start to back up off the curb. Seems ok. Start to move forward on side of the road. Not ok. Trundle along 'til I reach the parking lot of the restaurant and get myself parked out of everybody's way. I'm ok. I can do this. Call Dad's cell. It's turned off. Call Dad's work. Answering machine. I'm ok. I can do this. Retrieve spare tire and jack and bolt-turning thingummer from the trunk and set to work. Manage to be semi-competant by raising the car up on the jack only to be unable to loosen the bolts holding the tire on. Finally get a hold of Dad who recommends not just standing on the bolt-turning thingummer but bouncing a bit too.
Time to be eternally grateful that he's on his way when it turns out that I can't get the bent wheel off. Time to be eternally grateful that he's there when it turns out the spare tire from my car is flat. Time to be totally freaked out driving to the Riverside Auto Shop with a spare tire and a funny high-pitched whistling noise. Time to be eternally grateful again because Dad is letting me use his car until mine gets fixed. Time to feel dumb. Some more. Again. Time to be astounded at how totally understanding PUs are being despite it totally being all my totally dumb fault.

Well, I am gonna have to pay for it.

...is that it takes less time to get there. And back home, though I stopped at Wegman's to impress the checkout person with my honesty. I briefly considered not pointing out that the sugar hadn't scanned before she put it in the bag, but I knew I'd feel guilty about my ill-gotten gains later, so I went with being ethical and whatnot. Go me!

Well, except when I scraped the Honda up against the dogwood, but the Honda doesn't count, and there was actually another car involved that hit me. Thankfully, there was more damage to my heart rate and stress levels than to my car. I guess she was going slow enough, so there was only a jarring thud, and as far as I can tell not even a blemish on the bumper, but I think I'll wait until the harsh light of day to say for sure. Beyond the major panic, holy crapness of it all, I think I'm okay. Especially since it took forever for LJ to work and I made four icons while waiting to post about this.

I'm not sure which of my current icons, if any, I want to give up though.
     

I fiddled around with some t-shirt designs on cafepress, but I think what I really want is the bumpersticker cuz it goes with the driver and shotgun aspect and I need more stuffs to make my car less white and pasty. A bunch of the free bumperstickers I signed up for never came. I just wish there were an easier way to design my own bumperstickers. And by easier, I mean cheaper.

who served me well
aged and infirm
but faithful 'til the end
peeling paint
dented, scratched
shaking stops
throbbing reverse
there was an art to driving
every noise
spoke of the end
but it did not come
running still
that car
as it slowly falls to bits

Since barring catastrophe at the Riverside mechanics, I will be buying a 2000 Toyota Echo for $7,540 (which includes tax, tags, and warranty). It has a horrifying alarm system, but dad thinks we can disconnect some wires to turn it off permanently. And it's not automatic locks or windows or anything like that that I was worried about. Plus it's got nify high mpg and low greenhouse gas emissions:
MPG (city) 31
MPG (highway) 38
MPG (combined) 34
Greenhouse Gas Emissions: 5.7 tons/year

Not as good as a hybrid, but still pretty impressive. It's white, which is a bit meh color wise and it means pus will continually be bugging me to get it washed (like i'd waste my money on that shit), but the color of the car is the least important part anyway. Now I just need some good bumper stickers...

In the criminal justice system, there are passengers and there are drivers, these are their stories. (I know I shouldn't still be so amused by that, but I am)

So, here's the thing people, taking the time to honk your horn while merging in the Washington Road loop thing is not going to lessen the mess. Now, taking the time to pay attention so that nobody crashes into anybody else isn't going to lessen the mess either, but it's a lot more productive than honking your horn. Because guess what? It's always a mess. That is the way of the turning loop thing. So stop being a jackass about it and accept that you're actually going to have to pay attention to where you're going. Gee, imagine that.